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The Godfather's Ponderosa Page
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A great place for cheap, tough meat!
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For nearly three years, I worked at the Ponderosa Steakhouse in Brandon, Florida as a waiter, dishwasher and janitor. The damn place could very well be the setting for a French existentialist novel. Absurdity doesn't begin to describe the vibe of that place. There were five managerial changes involving four different general managers during my tumultuos tenure there, with the last one, a walking ball of pork I proudly nicknamed "Sleazeman," by far the worst of the bunch. I had many close friends there, but the customers, ah, the customers...where to begin?
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The biggest collection of cheap,nasty, greasy rednecks imaginable!
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When I waited tables, I was only paid $2.13 per hour, so of course, I lived on my tips--no small feat considering how disgustingly cheap the savages, er, patrons were. My co-workers and I were stiffed so frequently that I was always thrilled to find that faded, wrinkled buck covered in mashed potatoes on the table.
In addition to being cheap, a large percentage of the customers smelled bad, and quite a few were obviously inbred (Plant City is close to Brandon). And many had the exasperating habit of pronouncing buffet "BUFF-it" instead of "bu-FAY". That drove me nuts! What a bunch of yahoos (and I don't mean search engines).
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So, what about the food?
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Okay, here's a term for you to remember: utility meat. Here's another: C-Steak, as in two grades below the meats you would buy at the market yourself. A, B, C. Shocking? Not really. Did you really think you were getting an all-you-can-eat buffet, including a dessert bar, and a cut of U.S.D.A. Choice Grade A beef for seven or eight bucks? The ribeye, which I referred to as Ponderosa's "signature steak," was so naturally tough that it came marinated in meat tenderizer.
This process changed the consistency of the meat from unchewable to too chewy, but the pigs loved 'em.
And the buffet! Everything is a powdered mixture to which hot water is added. (Water is integral to the Ponderosa buffet. Even the chile meat and taco meats are loaded with it.) About the meats. I wouldn't touch them if I were you. The smell that filled the kitchen when someone microwaved the stuff was enough to make me run to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth. I never did have the courage to eat it because Ponderosa's medical benefits were lousy. Try nuking a can of dog food. Done? Okay, THAT'S the smell!
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