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Bit of a Bugs Bunny fan? Then you can't miss this! _________________________________________________________ A Montanan is driving down the road and suddenly sees this Californian hitch hiking. He pulls over offers him a lift and down the road they go. After a few miles they come across this sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The Montanan immediately pulls over and jumps out to check out the situation. After a minute he yanks out his dick and begins ramming the sheep from behind. After awhile of doing this he calls out to the Californian who is still in the car, "Hey, you wanna give it a shot?" The Californian shrugs his shoulders and says, "sure." He gets out of the car approaches the sheep and then sticks his head in the fence. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This one guy goes to the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says "Hello, sir, what are you here for?" The man replies "Doc, for a week I have had an orange dick!, it started scaring me so I came here" The doctor then asks him "What have you been doing all week?" The patient thought and replied "I have just been sitting around watching porno’s and eating Chee-Toes" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How did the Dairy Queen get pregnant? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So anyway, this duck walks into a drugstore and says, " Give me some Chap stick and put it on my bill". Same duck walks into the same drugstore and says, " Give me a condom." To which the druggist replies "Do you want that on your bill?" The duck says "No, I'm not that kind of duck." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?" The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight" The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter" The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning." The old Chinese man counters "OK, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man." "OK, OK" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life? Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal. That night, the man snuck into the girls bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience." Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest". "What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle". The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bed post". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man was having pain in his penis. His doctor examined him and announced, "you clearly have Mongolian syphilis. We"ll have to amputate." The man was really upset and went to another doctor for a second opinion. This doctor, too, after examination said, "Yes, you have Mongolian Syphilis. We"ll have to amputate." The man decided he would go to a real expert, a Mongolian doctor. After examination, this doctor too announced, "You have Mongolian Syphilis." The man said, "well, the American doctors said I would have to have it amputated." The Mongolian doctor replied, "Oh, American doctors! All they want to do is cut, cut, cut. Wait three weeks; it'll fall off by itself." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I've got something you don't have!" A little boy and girl were outside playing and they were very competitive. The little boy said "My wagon's bigger than your wagon!" The little girl said "No it's not!" The boy said "Is too! Let's measure!" They measured and the girl said "Oh gosh, it is." They played some more and the boy said "My daddy can beat up your daddy!" The girl said "He can not!" The boy said "Can too! Watch!" The two fathers fight and the little boy's father wins. The girl says "Oh gosh, he can." They play some more and the little boy smiles and says "I've got something you don't have!" The little girl says "Do not!" The boy says "Do too! Look!" He pulls his pants down and shows her. The little girl starts crying and runs into her house because she keeps losing. A little while later she comes out with a big smile on her face. The little boy says "What are you so happy about?" The girl pulls up her dress and says "My mommy said as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cinderella was all set to go to the huge ball, but she was having a severe case of PMS. She was crabby and pissy and moody and generally not in the partying spirit. Well, her fairy-godmother again came to her rescue by providing Cinderella with a magic tampon. The fairy-godmother said, "Put this in and your PMS will be gone. Just remember, you have to be home by the stroke of midnight or the magic tampon will turn into a pumpkin and that is gonna be painful as hell to get out." So, off Cinderella went to the ball in a great mood ready to dance the night away. Midnight comes and goes, however, and no Cinderella. Her fairy-godmother is worried to death. 1am, 2am, 3am and no sign of Cinderella. Finally she comes home at 4am. The fairy-godmother was distraught. "What on earth happened to you?" she said. "What about the magic tampon. I've been worried sick about you." "Oh don't worry," Cinderella replied. "I met this really great guy named Peter-Peter." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Send an email to jokeplanet-subscribe@listbot.com to subscribe Send an email to jokeplanet-unsubscribe@listbot.com to unsubscribe.
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