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Buy rare animation cells from some of the greatest cartoons ever made _________________________________________________________ A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Man goes into a bank and up to the cashier's desk. "Nice tits love, I want to open a FUCKING checking account," the man snarls. "I beg your pardon, sir?", the startled female teller replies. "Listen, you dumb bitch, I said I want to open a FUCKING checking account." "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't help you if you're going to talk like that." She leaves the window, walks over to the bank manager and whispers in his ear. The two return and the manager asks, stiffly, "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no GODDAMN problem!" the man insists. "I just won ten million dollars in the lottery, and I want to open a FUCKING checking account!" "I see sir," the manager quickly replies, "and this cunt's giving you a hard time, is she?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other, "Should we say hi to those 2 tampons?" The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A New Yorker decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts "themed party - come as a human emotion." On the night of the party the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy." The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink." A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink bodystocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she replies, "I'm tickled pink." The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party." A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time and the host opens the door to see two Pakistani guys, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says "Christ, guys, what the hell do you think you look like? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?" The first guy replies, "Well, I'm fucking disgusted and my friend has come in despair." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf man replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "Now ask him where the money is!" The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf man replies, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park." The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two vampires walk into a bar and the first one orders a cup of blood. The second one orders a warm glass of water. The first one asks,"How come you didn't order a cup of blood?" The second one pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm having tea!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened. "Buffalo come," remarked Tonto. "How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger. "Face sticky." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Deductive Reasoning
Man: "Hi there new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving."
Later that same day... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It seems that a man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen." The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, go, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time." "Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?" The waiter replies: "I don't know about the other guys but I use the spoon" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says, "Dear Mr. Jones, All is forgiven. Just tell us...where is it?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Send an email to subscribe Send an email to unsubscribe.
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