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Are you online at home or work? Why not get paid at the same time? _________________________________________________________ In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the big stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. On approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. As the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many others never understand. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve one's condition. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Stanford Hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies, needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save Liz." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Work like you don't need the money. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it is state of the art." "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You Know It's Time to Join E-Mail Anonymous When ... 1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 2. You name your children eudora, trekplanet and dotcom. 3. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. 4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment. 5. You laugh at people with 28.8 baud modems. 6. You start using smileys in your snail mail. 7. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com 8. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. 9. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem. 10. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again. And again. And again. 11. You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask. 12. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape. 13. You tell the cab driver you live at http://myhouse.17-main-st.com 14. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This speaks a lot about the quality of Japanese products and their quality standards. They're still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000. When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. "We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A guy enters a restaurant, and orders a milkshake, "Not too thick,...not too thin, but in the groove, man,...in the groove!" The cook hears this and gets pissed off, but just sends him the milkshake without saying anything. The guy then orders a box of fries, "Not too crisp,...not too soft, but in the groove, man,...in the groove!" The cook is getting really pissed off at this, but he rolls up his sleeves and gets him the box of fries. Then the guy orders a hamburger, "Not too big,....not too small, but in the groove, man,...in the groove." On hearing this, the cook storms out and charges up to the guy,"You can just kiss my ass!! ..not too much to the left, ..not too much to the right, but in the groove, man,...in the groove!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements:
- religion The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Random Funny Facts * Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. * Dr. Seuss and Kurt Vonnegut went to college together. They were even in the same fraternity, where Seuss decorated the fraternity house walls with drawings of his strange characters. * The Les Nessman character on the TV series WKRP in Cincinnati wore a band-aid in every episode. Either on himself, his glasses, or his clothing. * John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." * Beezlebub, another name for the devil, is Hebrew for "Lord of the Flies", and this is where the book's title comes from. * The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic church. When deciding if someone should be sainted, a devil's advocate is always appointed to give an alternative view. * Before Prohibition, Shlitz Brewery owned more property in Chicago than anyone else, except The Catholic Church. * It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is 'shake' and the 46th word from the last word is 'spear'. * In 1986 Danny Heep became the first player in a World Series to be a designated hitter (DH) with the initials "D.H." * In the four major US professional sports, (Baseball, Basketball, Football, and Hockey), there are only seven teams whose nicknames do not end with an "S:" Basketball: The Miami Heat, The Utah Jazz, The Orlando Magic. Baseball: The Boston Red Sox, The Chicago White Sox. Hockey: The Colorado Avalanche, The Tampa Bay Lightning. Football: None. * In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first, and only, home run. * When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home to a sellout crowd, the full stadium becomes the state's third largest city. * Kermit the Frog is left-handed. * The lifespan of a tastebud is ten days. * Non-dairy creamer is flammable. * The dial tone of a normal telephone is in the key of "F". * If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. My husband just walked in the door." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Send an email to subscribe Send an email to unsubscribe.
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