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VyVyan are not only one of mine, and hopefully yours, favourite bands, but they're also popular among people whose opinions actually count. That's right, celebrities. We went out, did a bit of phoning around and managed to get all these testimonies from the following. We also got a lot of abuse along the lines of "How the hell did you get this phone number you little shit" but we've decided to pretend that that didn't happen. It's the only way we can sleep at night.
Jo Whiley - "Pah! I don't have time for piddling little indie bands anymore. I'm on daytimes! I only like Gomez now and no-one else. Oh, and I pretend to like Limp Bizkit, but only because the NME said that Nu-metal is cool. Now leave me alone. I've got to prepare my fakely enthusiastic voice for broadcast
Jas Mann from out of Babylon Zoo - "Ah, that sweet, sweet taste of the oxygen of publicity. Yes I love VyVyan. I love all music. What I especially love is the new album by Babylon Zoo. It's called All the Money's Gone and is an ironic look at my lack of success after Spaceman..."
That Scary Bloke From The Ronseal Adverts - "I love it. They do a song called Going Out and it's about going out. They do a song called Teen Energy and it's about having energy when you're a teenager. Brilliant! It does exactly what it says on the CD cover. But I'm not so sure about All I Do though. I thought it was going to be about constantly banging on about protecting your home from the elements, but it turned out to be about wanting to be a pop star. That's not all that I do. Mind you I can sing a bit though. Only in the shower likes.
The Queen - "One really likes that All Made Up song. One likes to imagine that it was written about Fergie" (satire, although admittedly very poor quality)
The Spice Girls (all together in a rather disconcerting choral effect) - "Yeah, we like VyVyan, they've got real Girl Power! Who's next! OK, We like Angelica, they've got real Girl Power! Anyone else? Sigh. We like Kittie, they've got real Girl Power. Look, surely we've got enough street cred now? There can't be many more all girl bands can there? There are? Shit. OK, We like...."
Geri Halliwell - "Only sad people would say girl power, I never said it myself you know. Except when I was saying it to be sarcastic to the other girls. Yeah, that's right. They always hated me you know. They were just jealous of my raw and powerful sexuality. What's that? VyVyan? Who are they, do you mind, we're trying to talk about me here. I'm far more important than any other band, that's why I was at number one on my own and none of the other girls managed that. Did I ever tell you that the sun shines out of my arse? It's true, that's why it's dark at night cause I go to bed then and I hide it's light under my bedclothes..." - at which point we hung up and left Geri talking to the only person she truly loves, herself.
Jas Mann from Babylon Zoo - "Hey! You hung up on me. I hadn't finished speaking yet, I was just going to say that the albums out now and should be at all good record shops. Even if they don't have it on display ask the manager if they've got any spare copies in the backroom. We sent out loads of copies of it but no bugger bought it so they must be lying around somewhere..."
James Dean Bradfield - We tried to call James to ask him for an opinion but we were told by a close friend that James was currently on a mission to rid the entire world of pies. This is clearly a grand endeavour, but one which he wishes to accomplish himself without the aid of anyone else. He has decided to eat every pie that has ever, and indeed, will ever be made and he has thrown himself into it with a will. Cardiff is already a pie free zone and he hopes to clear the whole of Wales by the end of this year. I wish him all the best in his attempt and look forward to being able to chant "Who ate all the pies" at the next Manics gig and hear him reply loudly and proudly "I did. I ate all the pies. Every last crumb."
Scooby Doo - "Rivian? Ri Ruv Rivvian. Rikes. Now give me a Scooby Snack punk or I'll sink my teeth into your leg so deep they'll come out the other side. Rokay?"
Sooty - " ... ... ... ..."
Graham Coxon - We trapped Graham in a corner and tried to ask him his opinion, but he simply mumbled something at his shoes and tried to get away. When we told him that Hannah has, or used to have, "A massive Graham Coxon crush" he blushed a bright red and caused so much heat that my eyebrows were singed and the mortar between the bricks began to bubble
Sara Cox - "Well I can't guarantee that I'll playing them on the show, but the breakfast show is going to be lively, and we can promise you that we'll be playing some cutting edge music that isn't safe at all. Like Travis. And Macy Gray. But basically I'll playing whatever I'm told to otherwise I'll get sacked. But I'm still a rebel. Please like me."
Zoe Ball - "Ummm, are they cool? I don't know, I'll need to find out whether everybody else likes them first, then I'll let you know. I'll phone you back, OK?"
Jas Mann from Babylon Zoo - "Look! It's really, really good! It's really witty and insightful. It should only cost you £15 pounds, but you'll probably find that a lot of record shops have mistakenly put it into the bargain bins and are only charging 99p per copy. This is probably a mistake so I keep taking them out and putting them back on the shelves at full price if I ever see any..."
