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Phillip Gould, the official pollster for Labour has offered an unusual campaign document for Labour to consider, a leaked document revealed today. With Labour's seemingly unassailable 15 point lead on the Conservative party standing firm despite the crises which have effected the party's standing in recent weeks, the pollster has suggested a campaign of "extreme swearing"
In a letter, written apparently in crayon, addressed to Tony Blair, high ranking members of the cabinet and a number of figures at Millbank, Gould offers the following advice: - "With our high ranking position in the polls, we could essentially do anything we liked and still win the election. I suggest we take advantage of this with the following method; all members of the labour party should communicate in nothing but swearwords for the duration of the campaign. For example, Tony's speech to announce the election could be re-written as "Fuck, Fuck, Arsehole bollocks, Shit, Shitting, Shitty Shitty Balls", while the manifesto could be re-written as a list of swearwords, with the most important, or extreme, at the top. Perhaps a televised interview could be conducted with Mr Blair only using the word "Bum-Poo". These are simply vague ideas right now and can obviously still be fleshed out."
He also goes on to suggest that Tony Blair should forego his trousers for the entire campaign and instead travel the country dressed only in a pair of comically over-sized y-fronts. A PS to the letter says "Come-on! It's gotta be worth a shot. It's a laugh, innit?"
A spokesman for the labour party responded to this discovery by saying "Of course it's not true you fucking idiot. Shit Piss Wank Bum"
