The Final Pantsdown...

Narrator: Good morning, gentle listener, and welcome to this weeks episode, the final ever episode, of the salty adventures of Captain Pants. As you may remember from last week's episode Vince, enraged that Satan has killed his brother Stan, has grabbed the ship's wheel, and is now steering a course for the heart of the sun. All of our brave little crew have decided that they shall give their lives rather than see Satan win the final battle between good and evil. We join them as they prepare to make the supreme sacrifice.

Twinkle: Oh God, I think I've soiled my britches.

Captain Pants: Tis a far, far better thing we do than we have ever done. Tis a far, far better sleep we go to.

Vincent Gambino: Oh, shut up, Captain Fancy Pants… that was shithouse, wasn't it?

Jen: Give it another go.

Vincent: Oh, shut up… is that right?

Mikey: It's better!

Vincent (again!): Shut up, Captain Fancy Pants, and help me with the wheel. This ship is breaking up!

Tiffany: We're getting closer to the heart of the sun! God, it's so hot I can feel my mascara running.

Twinkle: That's not all I can feel running. Permission to go below and change my britches?

Captain: Permission denied! Here, help us at the wheel. I don't think we can hold it together much longer!

Satan: Satan commands you to release Satan from these golden ropes that have robbed Satan of all his Satanic powers!

Vincent: Not while the ghost of my brother Stan has you in his sights. Stan, have you got him covered?

Stan: mumble, mumble etc.

Jen: You brought Stan back?

Mikey: Yeah, I think I was mad!

Jen: He died last week.

Stan: Still mumbling away…

Vincent: Mumbles back.

Satan: But Satan killed that damn character last week! Ohhhhhh! Satan is having a shit of a millennium!

Captain: We're just about to crash into the heart of the sun. If anyone has anything to say, for god's sake, now's the time to say it!

Tiffany: I love you Mamma.

Lady Hirsute: And I love Parson Wind.

*farts*

Parson Wind: What?

Lady Hirsute: He's got a nice swimmers chest. Mind you, I'm a bit fond of Bosun Bosun, too. He's got a swimmers chest as well. In the right (something) I'd probably give the Captain a serve as well.

Bosun Bosun: Parson Wind, I know we've had our differences, but I love you, in as much as one man can love another man.

Parson: Come here and give me a huge fart!

Mikey: HUG!! *giggles* * fart*

Sandy: Sorry!

Parson: Give me a hug!

Sandy: Oh, fart's a stage direction!

Mikey: Yeah, fart's a stage direction, idiot!

Paul: Do you want to do that one again? Just the last few lines there.

Parson: Come here and give me a hug!

*farts!*

Parson: I knew that was a mistake.

Captain: Yes.

Vincent: I love you, my little Francine.

Francine: Thanks, but I also love Tiffany.

Tiffany: Oh! And I love you too Francine.

Bosun: I knew it! I knew all along!

Vincent: And I…

Satan: Arrr! Satan is growing tired of all these displays of emotion!

Paul: This is so much more embarrassing when people are standing around watching.

Mikey: Yes, could everyone please turn and face the wall?

Vincent: I was just about to say, that I love the ghost of my dead brother Stan.

Stan: Mumbles.

Vincent: I love you. Love you Stan. Love you. Stan, you are wise like the mule who will not pay extra for tailored pants.

Twinkle: And I love you Captain Pants. I love you Captain Pants. Pantsy, I love ya! Pants! Pants! I love ya Pants!

Captain: And I love you Cabin Boy Twinkle!

Twinkle: No, I mean, I've always loved you Captain Pants, always.

Captain: Well, come here then.

*kiss*

Satan: Oi! Oi! What about Satan? Doesn't anyone have a kiss for Satan? Oh, Satan has always been starved of affection. Satan feels as if Satan is going to cry. Satan feels as if Satan is going to crash into the heart of the sun. SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*BANG! CRASH!*

Narrator: And so we say goodbye to our brave little crew (Mikey: Yay! Oh thank Christ!), they have given their lives, so that the future generations can live in a world free from the evil presence of Satan.

Satan: Satan not really dead!

Twinkle: I'm okay as well!

Captain: I feel even better!

Tiffany: Hello!

*farts*

Narrator: Farewell one and all, for this was the last chapter in the no longer continuing salty adventures of Captain Pants.