Top 15 Complaints
of
Modern-Day Vampyres
15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell the living from
the undead.
14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.
12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time.
11. Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look
Ma! It's Elvis!"
10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated
Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
9. After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
8. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
7. With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior high schools
are suddenly off-limits.
6. No warm blood for miles around Washington, DC.
5. Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.
4. No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.
3. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."
2. Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.
1. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.
