In a galaxy far far away, a long long time ago, there was a cat! Not just any cat, but a Space cat. Banished from his home in 1994 he has wondered the galaxy looking for a family and some one to love, Oh and he can not die.

Once again Toby the Space cat was patrolling the far reaches of the galaxy, not that very far away from the comforts of the airing cupboard, when he heard a noise.

This was no ordinary noise. In fact it was a noise he had often heard himself make when scared. He looked around and to his joy saw a small fat black and white cat. "How wonderful!" he thought to himself, " A creature not that different to me!"

Although Toby tried his very best to make friends with this small black lump of hissing fur, he soon realised that rather than comforting this distressed animal he was in fact making matters worse. Realising this Toby pondered what to do.

Suddenly a thought rushed into his head, he stood up and charged full pelt and the other cat with the intention to make it run. As predicted the small cat ran away as quickly as possible still being pursued by Toby, who thought that this was a very exciting game. Unfortunately not being the young agile cat he used to be Toby soon tired and had to stop chasing his new found "friend".

The next day Toby returned to the area in which he met the stranger, hoping once again to make friends. And if that failed give her a bloody good fright. He hid behind a small tree and waited for her to return.

With out disappointment she did and just as she neared the tree in which Toby was hiding he jumped out in order to introduce himself. One again the poor cat was scared and ran for what it thought was it?s live, closely followed by Toby who thought it was a great game.

And so these meetings continued between Toby the Space Cat and Sooty warrior Princess, Until one day...

As Toby the Space Cat chased The Warrior Princess through the village of Guentag of planet Glousch they were stopped as she approached a cliff face with a one hundred-foot drop. Sooty was scared. Toby was puzzled. Neither moved...

They stood staring at each other for what seemed like hours until...

Sooty took attack position, She crouched down...

Turned away from Toby...

And pissed in his face.

Toby never troubled Sooty Warrior princess again.

If you would like to talk to Toby the Space cat he is happy to listen to anything you would like to say, no matter what the time, or where the place as long as he's not busy TOBY THE SPACE CAT is always ready to help. simply e-mail your enquiries to...toby_the_space_cat@scaredycat.co.uk...please allow 28 days for delivery.

In next weeks episode Toby the Space Cat has an unpleasant encounter with a greyhound.