This is Page 3 of cute jokes for your reading pleasure. Materials written aren't made to offend anyone. It's for pure laughs and fun only, nothing bad attached to it. So please read on and enjoy. I will advice you to check out the main page The Gracer Page (Main) because *ALL* the sections/ categories of the entire site is listed there. You would also find the list of updated/new pages.
Q: If there is a basket of 13 apples and you take 3 apples, how many apples do you have?
A: You have 3. Nobody asked how many remained in the basket.
Q: How many 2-cent stamps does it take to make a dozen?
A: It takes 12 2-cent stamps to make a dozen. It takes 12 of anything to make a dozen.
Q: If a rooster is perched on the top of a barn, with the barn roof sloping east and west, and just as the sun rises the rooster lays an egg, on which side of the barn will the egg roll?
A: Niether. Roosters don't lay eggs.
Q: If you threw a white hat with a blue ribbon into the Red Sea, what would it become?
A: Wet.
Q: If you divide 14 by 1/2, what do you get?
A: 28. Try checking it out on your calculator.
Q: If there are 9 flies on the table and you swat one, how many will be left?
A: One: the dead one
Q: If there are 12 sheep in a field and one gets away, how many will be left?
A: None. An old story tells of a farm boy who answered this question in school. "Johnny, you don't know your arithmetic," said the teacher. Johnny answered, "Teacher, you don't know your sheep."
Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom of the document.
Q: What is brown, made of paper, is found in a grocery store, and is as hard as concrete?
A: A paper grocery bag filled with concrete. I just added the concrete to make it harder.
High Five
One lazy afternoon the phone rang, and I picked it up. It was my buddy Don, who is a racetrack fanatic.
"You won't believe what just happened to me!" he said.
Without a pause, he continued, "I had this crazy dream last night about the number 5. There were 5 horses in a field, and they were prancing around the number five!"
This sounded a little wacky, but he said it so enthusiastically that I thought this could be a good story, so I said, Ok, then what?
He said, "Then, I woke up thinking about horses and the number 5. As I was about to eat breakfast, I picked up my race schedule and found that the fifth race today was to start at 5:05 and the #5 horse in that race was named High Five!"
I was thinking, "What a coincidence," but Don didn't give me a chance to say anything.
"Then", he said, "I counted the money that I happened to have in my wallet. I had exactly 555 dollars: 5 one hundred dollar bills, 5 tens, and 5 ones." Don was getting really excited as he told me this on the phone.
He went on, "So I drove to the track, and parked in the fifth spot in the fifth row. I entered gate #5. I bet my $555 on High Five. I made sure to sit in Section 5, row 5, seat 5...."
By this time I couldn't stand the suspense anymore, so I interupted him, "So Don, did your horse win?"
"No, he came in 5th!"
Everything I Need To Learn ... I Learned From Noah's Ark
One--Don't miss the boat.
Two--Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three--Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four--Stay fit. Someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five-- Don't listen to critics, just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six--Build your future on high ground.
Seven--For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight--Speed isn't always an advantage.
Nine--When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten--No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.
You've Got Mail
A man was in his front yard mowing the grass when his neighbor came out of
the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was
getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
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TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
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TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday same time."
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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
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At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers.
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Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
