Saturday 16th December 2000
Nuffin the Hamster on the final chapter on the Presidential Election 2000
Florida (THURSDAY) - So, it's finally over. After weeks of
litigation, they eventually settled it. This last article - written specifically
for the on line 'George the Hamster Web Site' Rodent Weekly readership - must
round off where we've got to and what the present indicates will be our future.
A sort of 'prophetic insight' into the projected ramblings of a rodent's
mind.
The one quote that's stuck with me throughout this
last five weeks, however, is the statement of that statistician who was quoted
as saying:
'The margin of error will always be bigger than
the margin of victory in Florida'
because it showed conclusively that you could
count, recount and rerecount until eternity comes and still find you have a
different result each time you arrive at what you think is a definitive
calculation. In that sense, Florida is an anomaly and it should have been
declared a draw - but that certainly wasn't an acceptable position, I
confess.
But, without any further ado, let's consider the
new President - George W Bush - bless 'im. It's sure been a stressful time for
him not knowing whether he was the President elect or not for well over five
weeks but, finally, he's made it. Just what sort of President will he turn out
to be for the American people? This is the person who once said:
'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of
failure'
an astute observation which has been indelibly
written into American history. But this isn't where the quotes end - no way! -
for, posted to me around a week ago were a whole load of other more bizarre
statements which were attributed to him and, if my perception serves me well,
they give a good indication of what the new administration will be like. Here's
just a flavour of them:
'Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is
somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen
pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that
means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe' (November 8th
1994).
'I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward
more freedom and democracy - but that could change' (22nd May 1998).
'One word sums up probably the responsibility of
any Governor, and that one word is "to be prepared"' (6th December 1993).
'We're going to have the best educated American
people in the world' (21st September 1997)
'For NASA, space is still a high priority' (5th
September 1993)
'The future will be better tomorrow'
'We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part
of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of
Europe'
'I am not part of the problem. I am a
Republican'
'A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer
people going to the polls'
'It's time for the human race to enter the solar
system'
and, perhaps the most frightening of all,
is
'People that are really very weird can get into
sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history'
After all, if that last statement is a truism that
has a very wide application, then the implication for the States after the
finality of the result is now known, is to hint at a situation which could
provide some very strange happenings in the next four years. Even more so as the
establishing of the new administration has been surrounded by some pretty weird
situations already.
But what of predictions? What does this hamster
think the American people might see in the next four years? Firstly, I believe
that America will invade Europe to bring the colonies 'back under the control of
the Mother State'. Of course, the troops will probably withdraw when it's
realised that it should actually be the other way round but I don't feel that
it's beyond the realms of possibility that it could happen. After all, the
American military presence is already very strong within Nato countries and the
armies are - so to speak - already occupying foreign land before an uprising
could begin from both within and without.
Secondly, if the Senate is so split between
Republican and Democrat, how will it ever get anything done? I could see a civil
war taking place based on the division caused through this fact and that
the first opening shots would be fired between party members in Florida -
probably somewhere in Miami-Dade county. Just a hunch I have, honestly, but it
could happen.
Thirdly and finally, I see the dramatic rise to
fame and popularity of the Hamster Presidential Candidate for 2004.
Disillusioned by both Republican and Democrat behaviour throughout this past
five weeks, I can see millions of voters changing to the formation of a new
party, a third party - a wild party! Well, 'wild' if you don't tame them after
buying them from the pet shop.
And, though Diddley Squat IV won't probably be
alive in 2004, I can see his successor - or his successor's successor -
declaring victory on November 3 2004 in the early hours of the morning because
of a landslide victory.
The Hamster Presidential Campaign has already come
a long way since its first faltering steps around two years ago when the Rodent
Weekly started writing it up. We've been through assassination attempts,
hamnappings and robberies - and had to cover the appointment of a brand new
candidate as well. The Rodent Weekly has been there at the cutting edge of
rodent history as it's happened and we'll be there for weeks to come as news
breaks and as the Campaign develops into gigantic proportions which will sweep
through the land like a fire lighting a dry wood.
So DS and the team will continue in their task of
bringing everyone under the sound of the 'Vote Hamster' message. It seemed
fitting, therefore, to end this final article for the 'George the Hamster'
Rodent Weekly site with a quote from Diddley Squat himself and, to show that
there's no hard feelings, I asked him directly if He'd formally concede this
years Presidential race.
'Why, sure' he told me over a sunflower seed lunch
'I concede that Gore lost. And I concede that Bush will be everything the nation
deserves...'
I looked at him with suspicion in my eyes that
matched the glint in his. I wondered - just wondered - whether that word of
concession wasn't what I thought it should be. But, frankly, it didn't really
matter - I knew what he meant exactly...
Nuffin the Hamster writes
for the Rodent Weekly.
This article appears courtesy of that paper.
