Saturday 16th December 2000
Nuffin the Hamster on Friday's legal announcements
Florida (FRIDAY) - 'Just one more decision' squeaked Yafa
'and it would've all been over!'. He hung his head in his two fur-covered paws
and let out a pitiful but mournful whine. 'Why?' he continued 'Why oh why isn't
it over?!'
Rab giggled with mirth and danced round the dry
food dish like some new-born calf delighting in the first days of spring - 'I
told you' he squeaked 'that the script writers wouldn't let it end just yet.
There's much more humour to come in this story line yet. I bet it runs for at
least another few weeks'
He had a good point - with viewer figures showing
increased revenues for advertisers, one had to wonder where this could
all end. Even though the entire procedure was threatened by the possible
selection of their own 25 electoral votes on Tuesday, you just wondered whether
some sort of restricting litigation might suddenly fall on them to prevent such
a thing from happening. And then there was the Senate - remaining eerily quiet
throughout this all but still, I was sure, with some very choice words ready to
be acted out just when everything was beginning to settle down to normality and
certainty.
Just what further twists and turns were there to
be?
An alien abduction of one of the candidates,
perhaps? While this was certainly possible, the lack of any alien element
throughout this past few weeks (though there were rumours of the alien origin of
a few of the candidates) evidenced against it. Besides, how much would the
aliens pay for the earthlings to take either Bush or Gore back? And would they
accept it? No, this seemed implausible even though the opportunities for further
humour - something like a cross between Third Rock from the Sun and Galaxy Quest
- would have been unfathomable.
Or a nuclear missile attack from a foreign power?
That was to be hoped for more than expected - after all, did the script writers
really want to leave the uncounted ballots radioactive and incapable of being
manually assessed for tens of thousands of years? Far better to write a dramatic
finale - a twist in the tail - that few would expect rather than dream up such a
fanciful possibility.
'I think' contemplated Rab 'that Texas will be
invaded by Mexico and no one will be able to order the troops into action
because there'll be no official President in office'
Yafa just looked at him with pity and whined once
more with anguish - 'It was all so simple' he squeaked 'all they had to do was
uphold the lower court and it would've all been over'
I was beginning to wish it so myself. All these
late nights, these periods of having to listen to the whining voices of CNN
reporters and the correspondents who were so big that they only fitted on
widescreen was beginning to bug me. I just wanted some rest. I just wanted some
peace. I just wanted...
...and then it dawned on me! Of course! Why hadn't
I thought of that immediately?!
It was all so obvious - they were going to have
the remaining uncounted ballots kidnapped and held to ransom by a foreign
terrorist organisation...
Nuffin the Hamster writes
for the Rodent Weekly.
This article appears courtesy of that paper.
