Saturday 9 September
Dak the Hamster reports on the muesli pouring ceremony


That's the problem with my owners - well, Lee, anyway. He tends to look on things from a positive perspective when a realistic one would be more appropriate and he's negative when being positive is the preferred option. He's also too realistic when a situation is negative - in fact, he's really mixed up.

Take the putting of the muesli into the container which occurred tonight. Lee is renowned for missing the opening where the lid should be - a trait which was first diagnosed in his father and which seems to have been genetically transferred to him at conception. You can always tell when Lee has attempted to put the 1.5kg bag into the 2kg container because there's dust and oats on the table and the floor - sometimes more piles than at other, more sensible, times.

Kath wasn't pleased tonight and, to be honest, I must admit that it was probably the least amount of muesli he'd ever gotten into the container but, with a certain degree of forthrightness, Kath's observations (which I thoroughly agreed with) were dismissed with the statement:

'Why look at the 25% which ended up on the floor? Why not praise me for the 75% I managed to get in?'

But such spillages have their positive side for, when they've gone to bed, they'll naturally let us hoover the floor and see what tasty morsels we can glean. Nuffin, staying as a guest with us as he has been for some time, was delighted.

'I've been picking these rusks and flakes up bit by bit' he squeaked, then wandering off into some poetic treatise, continued 'line upon line, here a little, there a little...'

He was immediately interrupted by his brother who poked his head round the corner and asserted 'We're doing it all wholemeal'

My head popped up in surprise, trying to make sense of the statement that had just assaulted my hearing. I retorted 'Don't you mean piecemeal?'

Without a moment's hesitation, Nuffin squeaked back 'No, no. Piecemeal is what we'd be doing if we were hoovering up something which wasn't very good for us. This muesli is really nutritious so the label "wholemeal" means it's done much healthier'

The logic baffled me - I must admit (and not for the first time) - but I set about taking my share of the windfall, stuffing as much as I could into both pouches until I looked like the front end of the submarine from off 'Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea'.

Muesli is quite a nutritious food for a hamster - all those cereals and dried grapes - but I always wish they'd get that tropical version with the coconut and dried mango. Mmmm...mmm. Truly marvelous.

Nevertheless, it was quite some party, I seem to recall, at the old water bottle that night - one man's loss is another hamster's gain.

Dak the Hamster writes for the Rodent Weekly.
This article appears courtesy of that paper.



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