LETTER TO THE EDITOR
In a 19 February feature, Dak posed a question to
our Vice Presidential Candidate, husband of the honourable Ms Ganjette,
Scratch:
'Why do hamsters take delight in wearing team
hats?' is what he asked.
The writer then quotes Scratch as saying in
response: 'About ten thirty ... And then only if there's plenty of water
available'
This mis-states the conversation that occurred
approximately a week before the article appeared, and also seems calculated to
portray our honourable ancestor and leader as senile and incompetent.
In truth, your reporter had stuffed his pouches
with seeds and vegetables of various sorts (and judging by smell, a garlic clove
or two, as well) prior to posing his question to Scratch. I'd like to add that
there were several campaign workers present during this interview. All heard
Dak's so-called question in approximately the same way:
'So at what time are you hamsters likely to be
serving tea, mate?'
Given the fact that there are occasional shortages
of hot water in our apartment, Scratch responded that tea is usually taken at
ten thirty and then said, half joking, words to the effect that 'we hope there
will still be hot water available'
We have no idea where the remark about the pickle
came from. Scratch has never fallen into jar of vinegar. He has never mentioned
such an occurrence in connection with himself or anyone else - and most
certainly not on the day of the interview. There simply was no discussion
whatsoever of either pickles or vinegar on the day Dak interviewed Scratch about
the hat.
Finally, your writer alleges that Scratch made
some kind of questionable gesture with his hand ('he returned my gestures with a
hand signal of his own'). This is pure sensationalism, and entirely unworthy of
a reputable publication such as the Rodent Weekly. How in the world do you
define a 'hand signal'? - couldn't that mean any movement of the hand?
Undoubtedly Scratch did make some kind of move. He's neither a stone statue nor
a potted plant, after all. To infer that, because he moved his hand, he sent a
signal that should be interpreted by readers as rude, is something that demands
a retraction and - no less - an apology.
We at Hamster for President headquarters wish to
make it known that Scratch is still in his prime, that he continues to work
tirelessly day and night for a November 2000 victory at the polls, and that his
intelligence is as dazzlingly brilliant as it was in his youth, if not more so.
Moreover, he has sufficiently decent manners not to speak to others with pouches
full of strong-smelling snacks.
THE EDITOR REPLIES
It was, indeed, unfortunate that last week's
article appeared in our papers. I have interviewed Dak and the Police have
verified his whereabouts during the time that the interview was supposed to have
taken place and we are confident that Dak did not conduct the interview.
This throws open a whole range of questions which
we may never get the answers to and we would extend a right paw of apology to
all at the Presidential Headquarters. We don't know how this has managed to
happen but we shall endeavour to see to it that it doesn't happen again.
Maty the Hamster doesn't
write very often for the Rodent Weekly.
This article appears courtesy of that
paper.
Ganjette's presidential
web site can be found here
