Saturday 18th March 2000
Dak the Hamster phones Yarash
I clicked onto the
connect button and listened as the modems negotiated a connection. Perhaps it's
just me, but I'm sure I can detect words and phrases in all that noise that goes
down the phone lines.
The email downloaded itself
into my inbox and I glanced down the list of titles as they accumulated. It had
been a long weekend and I was sure that there would be at least one story here
at the beginning of another week that would spark my interest - I wasn't
disappointed.
There, from an email address
that I didn't recognise, was the header 'Yarash on hamster teeth'. I pondered
over it just a few moments before accessing the note which
read:
'Yarash the Wise Answers Your
Hamster Care Questions:
Dear Yarash
I have my first hamster, who is about six months old now. I just
noticed that his teeth are brown. Can you please tell me if all hamsters have
brown teeth, and why?'
and the reply:
'Dear Emma
Most hamsters have brown
teeth. The only ones I ever knew who didn't were non-smokers'
I stared at the email for a
full five minutes before realising that there was an attachment. I ran it
through the virus checker first - a necessary precaution whenever one receives
something from an unknown source - and double-clicked on the package to launch
it.
As the picture reassembled
itself on the screen, I gasped. There, in full, glorious technicolour, was
Yarash, smoking a cigarette and seeming to be enjoying it. I lifted up the
telephone receiver and dialled his apartment.
'Hello? This is Yarash - who's
that?'
'Dak' I squeaked with agitation evident
in my voice 'Have you sent me this photo?'
'What photo?' Yarash enquired
'I have so many taken of me, I scarce recall them all'
'Go and switch on your
computer' I instructed him 'I'll send it you over right away'
A few minutes later, the phone
rang. It was Yarash - angry and annoyed - 'What? Who did this? Who pasted this
cigarette onto a photo of mine? Is this some sort of joke? Was this
you?'
No, I assured him, it wasn't
me and I had no idea who it was. Did he recognise the email address? I read it
out to him and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by a
long 'Ohhhhhhhhhh'
'You know who it is?' I asked
him.
'Let me just say that I have
my suspicions. Just wait til the next time that hand comes into my cage to put
food in the dispenser - she won't know what bit her...'
Dak the Hamster writes for
the Rodent Weekly.
This article appears courtesy of that paper.
Visit the official Hamster Presidential web site
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