Saturday 22nd January 2000
Ebony the Hamster reports on human look-a-likes

I'm sure it was Elvis.

Okay, okay - so it was in the local chip shop that I saw him as I sneaked a peek from my master's bag as we headed for the door and back home for supper. But it really did look like Elvis.

If he'd've wobbled his right leg and began to sing in deep, melancholy sounds, I swear I would have died from shock.

Then there was the supermarket with Britney Spears at the checkout.

Yep, that's what I wrote - Britney Spears served us on the checkout as we made the weekly purchase of tins of spaghetti and muesli, while Kath handed over her little piece of plastic in payment. I'm telling you, it was Britney alright and I had to stop Kath from going out the door just to get one more look at that till girl who, if I was right, doubled in her spare time as a pop star.

It happens to me time and again - deja vu? Haven't I already talked about this in a previous article?

Well, anyway, while we stood there near the door, I pointed with my paw to a short ode blue-tacked high up on the notice board and pressed home my point to my master - I wasn't the first to have noticed the similarities for there, eight feet from the ground, was the titled 'Ode to Britney' that I've printed below.

Kath had to rush over to the stationery counter and purchase a pen while I stood by the bags to guard them - but this was important. It's not everyday that you get conclusive proof that, just as some people believe that aliens are among us, the biggest stars in the business are equally taking out everyday jobs to associate themselves with the likes of us commoners.

Kath hurried back muttering something under her breath and she recorded the poem for posterity.

Really - just as much as that guy was Elvis, this lady was Britney Spears...

I've worked with a girl that looked like Cher
And one who was the image of Whitney
But recently, these passed few weeks

I've been working with someone called Britney

She models her looks and she wears skin-tight clothes
Her hair is tied up at the sides
And she sounds just like Spears when she yodels a tune
So long as you close both your eyes

When she goes out to lunch, she wears dancing shoes
And she clicks both hands to some strange beat
She reckons she's going to buy a ham roll
But she does dance routines in the street

And now she is going on holiday to Crete
Or, at least, that's what she's telling us all
But her flight and her stay is tied in to match
Britney Spears tour of Europe this Fall

So, in conclusion, Britney Spears is amongst us
And she goes incognito by day
And no one's suspicious or has thought it too odd
That she works on the checkout at Safeway