Saturday 9th October 1999
Dak the Hamster reports on the problems associated with the possible election of Ganjette as President

Presidential Furniture is not easy to come by - especially when you're the size of a hamster. Rodents can spend the best part of an afternoon just trying to climb the polished wooden leg of an armchair with little or no success, and we all know how the defeat of the Battle of the Little Bighorn could have been averted had that hamster been able to climb General Custer's decision making chair to offer some timely and sagacious advice. History teaches us that hamsters must be given the tools of office when elected to it.

It was a few days ago on Monday that a colleague took a call from someone on the Presidential Team, asking me if I'd like to make my way down to the local furniture store where, they said, Ganjette was already trying out an entire range of furniture and accessories that she was hoping to use when elected to office.

I chose not to delay and scurried down as quick as my four paws would carry me to be warmly greeted by her Campaign staff as they advised her on the benefits of each piece that was available.

'The problem is' she began 'we want to maintain the overall feel of the Presidential Office without having to insist on having tube-like structures attached to every wall and all the fittings, while at the same time making it user friendly for all the rodents who will come to visit us there for counsel and advice.

'So it's of prime importance that an idea of my furniture requirements are made now to avoid unnecessary time then - after all, if we get elected to office, time will be of the essence'

I look over Ganjette's shoulder and note the furniture already acquired which stands, ready to be shipped, at the door. I notice the nut, sunflower seed and hamster hoop dispensers - all pretty standard stuff - but then there's the miniature table with mouth handles for ease of opening and the miniature flags of the Union which will be positioned beside her seat.

Her seat? No, I don't see it there - this appears to be the last thing to be decided and Ganjette informs me that she is almost at her wits end trying to find one that is suitable.

'Some rock too much and make me feel seasick' she squeaks 'while others leave embarrassing marks on your bottom - not the sort of thing you want to be trying to groom out of the fur when you have to greet the Russian President at a moment's notice'

Her eye suddenly catches a wicker chair in the far corner of the room and she heads speedily in its direction, her entourage following on behind.

'Yes!' she squeaks excitedly 'Yes, this is it! This is what I've been looking for!'

She jumps into the seat, turns and reclines to test out the support. It seems to fit her like a glove.

'I'll take it' she squeaks with a squeal of delight that we all smile at 'Yes, this is perfect! We can position it on top of the Presidential table and have a small, discreet tube attached to one of the table legs for me to climb. Yes, yes...absolutely perfect'

As the superlatives continue, I head back to the Rodent Weekly offices and take a long hard stare at my reporter's desk where I put paw to button and write articles. I take the receiver to my ear, dial the relevant extension and squeak:

'Editor? Hi, it's Dak. I was wondering whether I might be able to buy a new chair for my work desk...yes, that's right, a new chair...good, good. I'll go and get it straight away...'

Dak the Hamster writes for the Rodent Weekly.
This article appears courtesy of that paper.
Ganjette's presidential web site can be found at http://www.hamsterforpresident.com