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From: atdhb@acad2.alaska.edu
Subject: God and the FDA
Organization: University of Alaska
Note: Necessary changes have been made to this article, and appears in a format not exact to that written by atdhb@acad2.alaska.edu
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Suppose that, through some incredible oversight in humankind's multi-million-year history, the
fermentation and distillation of alcohol had never been discovered until you did so in your
basement one night. Let's say you tested your new discovery for years, then sought to get it approved by the FDA so you could market it. Can you imagine what you'd have to go through to get this stuff approved? Can you imagine the questions officialdom would ask you?
Q: Exactly what good does this "alcohol" stuff do?
A: Well, when you drink it, it makes you feel real good--for a while.
Q: We mean, what about the beneficial medicinal effects?
A: Actually, there aren't any beneficial medicinal effects that can't be met by other, safer drugs.
Q: And what about the side effects?
A: I'll admit there are some drawbacks...beginning with the hangover the next morning and ending with early death, in many cases, and costly institutionalization in others.
Q: What about other physical, psychological and social harm?
A: Well, it damages the liver, brain, stomach, heart and other organs. It produces depression and other mental disorders, some debilitating, in many cases of chronic abuse. Oh, and it's highly addictive, so the prospect of chronic abuse is always present. It's been shown to lead to the break-up of marriages and other relationships, and its costs in terms of social ills--everything from automobile accidents to SCA to domestic violence--would probably be immense. But boy, it makes you feel good for a while.
Q: What's "SCA"?
A: Spontaneous Criminal Activity. It's a term I coined to reflect the dampening of social inhibition that alcohol seems to cause. You know, the robberies, burglaries, beatings and the general mayhem you wouldn't commit if you were sober.
Q: Yes. Well. We'll get back to you, okay?
A: Be sure to put down that it makes you feel real good. For a while.
The only reason we tolerate alcohol today is because it has a long, long history and is therefore institutionalized in our society. Booze came long before the temperance movement, and that's why there are so many bars out there.
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